How high is this mountain?

Plagued with emotional and physical health issues the last 20 or so years is becoming a bit overwhelming. Rather, not a bit, but a lot! I ask "how much more" or "can't I just be healed" and struggle with why.

Last Saturday night we watched "The Passion of the Christ" movie by Mel Gibson. My mind couldn't help but wander back to the beating and brutality of what Christ endured - for us. I think, but He is God, He can take it. But, alas, He was also human. With human frailities - he felt the pain, the torment, the torture, the rejection, the persecution, and ultimately the moment from what i understand, that God turned away as He carried and brought upon Himself ALL of our sin.

Again, from what I understand, we are partakers of the same divine nature. God's Spirit abides in us -those of us who have become his children - enabling us to do whatever it is that He would ask of us. Here, though, I remember that the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

Monday afternoon i went to a dr. and was diagnosed with sleep apnea. I had prayed it would not be so; mainly i think because of the machine i would probably have to use, which would be another maintenance thing for illnesses. My husband and I had lunch after the diagnosis and he used the analogy of my myriad of illnesses as one being a fire ([maybe] the depression) and all the others (diabetes, periodic paralysis (or something to that affect), igg deficiency, HBP, possible arthritis setting in, fibromyalgia, and whatever/if any other i may have forgotten to list) all add fuel to the fire. Whether this is a good analogy or not i do not know. I just feel like it's a bit much.

In the past my husband, by best support, has likened me to a climber of a mountain - one with no legs, who climbs with another fully healthy individual. Who has accomplished more? But for now, i think i want to be carried.