a plants' life and more

I have a Christmas cactus that had sat in the addition of our home for roughly two years; most of that time it seems it was neglected. I seldom watered it, and though I don't know a lot about plants, this one seldom had sunlight, and I'm certain it needed some. It was droopy :-(

A few months or so back, I moved the plant to our bathroom. I try to open the blinds daily to allow sunlight for it and have watered it on a fairly consistent basis.

Today I noticed new sprouts or buds on the plant! Now some of you may think, "Well, of course, that's what a tended plant will do." or something to that effect; and, you're right. But thoughts that came just a tad later seemed to speak even louder.

Our lives can be looked at like that plant. If our spiritual needs are neglected we will wither. We will be droopy. However, if we gain regular nutrition, son light, watering, etc. we will sprout, grow, blossom, and flourish. (nutrition can be obtained through His word, the Holy Spirit, & other believers)

Many years ago, it seemed the LORD spoke directly to me as I questioned him. I've struggled with depression a lot of my adult life, and looking back probably dealt with it as a child and teen but didn't realize it. His answer seemed to be the following. I pray it blesses you. It's a reminder to me that He is at work, that He has a plan for me, though often I've questioned. I don't currently have a title for it, but please, if you post or copy it, etc, please do so For His Glory (1 Cor 10:31)

"I'LL SPRINKLE you like the dew--
refresh you, cool you, and yes prune you.

You will blossom to a fruitful bush and
many will eat of you.

You will be a blessing to others and will
feed and nurture them.

Only prepare yourself a good soil, that your
roots may be strong.

Be patient, a strong tree takes time,
but persist to be nurtured,

Endure the pruning for soon comes
forth the fruit.

BE STILL and KNOW that I am GOD"

FHG/bkm c1996-1997

I hope the Christmas cactus eventually has some beautiful flowers; but for now at least it appears to be recuperating a bit. How much more so do you think God delights when we sprout? :-)

is there something in your eye?

it is hard for me to understand

the various ways of God

of how a friend seems not to care

and why it is allowed



a friend who does not show concern

or spend time listening to me

a friend who is too busy - too busy to see my need



and then i came to realize

i sometimes do the same

this e-mail i'll read later

or i'll phone another day

i really ought to drop a note

or stop by and say hello



the plank i see is in my eye -

my friend is not alone



FHG/bkm

"Lord, is it warfare?"...

how do you call someone at 2 or 3 in the morning because you're lonely? i guess you really don't. I realize God is the one who is with us always, but like i've heard said..."sometimes you just want someone with skin on". the thing is i really don't know what i want to say, or what is really wrong, just sad or lonely or something -- maybe even bored. I realize it would be a good time to get into the Word, but alas, the flesh truly is weak and often reigns or so it seems.



i've had trouble sleeping for probably at least 5 years. the only thing consistent about it is that it's inconsistent. i slept a while last night and was up around 9pm and stayed awake until about 7 am, then slept til about 10 i guess and here i am, awake as my husband sleeps.



the fact that i can't drive anywhere makes it worse, although my husband wouldn't "let" me do that anyway, at least not at night or early in the morning.



i do have a son near the west coast who is 3 hours behind us, so he'd probably be up, but i really don't know what's wrong and hate to bug him unless i'm in a crisis, which happened a couple of weeks ago but that i didn't reach out to anyone much during. it is my hope that my husband would call others to pray, but, he doesn't always think like me. (go figure :-)



so, a couple of weekends ago i was in the pit, not totally sure why after doing so well for so many months, but the suicidal thoughts were beckoning. After about 4 days of it it passed pretty much but again this week i'm struggling. i can't seem to accomplish much of anything, my momentum is pretty much nil, and as another blogger wrote, something to the affect that my creativity is waning. i want to do things, but can't seem to get much accomplished.



during a conversation with my brother he mentioned maybe it was a spiritual war and that maybe i wasn't suppose to do anything, but that the Holy Spirit was to fight it. i believe he was/is right. It has to be the Lord's battle and not mine, but while it's going on what do i do? I guess the right answer is to PRAY PRAY PRAY and REST in Him. difficult for someone who usually feels the need to "perform".



another poem - written some time ago - expressing my frustration at the time



how to be a christian

I would like to know

how to live in faith

and to not let my fear show

how to trust completely

in everything i do

how to think on good thoughts

whate'er i'm going through



it seems it should be easy

just believe the word they say

but how do you believe

when Satan comes your way

he steals your peace of mind

and snatches at the truth

he leaves me full of doubts and fears

not knowing what to do



how to be a christian

and trust God totally

how to be a christian

seems mighty hard to me



how to be a christian

i'd really like to know

living daily in His grace

trusting as I go



It seems there's always questions

roaming in my mind

what's the answer to this

your way i cannot find



how to be a christian

it seems i never find

i think it's more than likely

that i will lose my mind



how to live in victory

what a joyful thought

for this very purpose

i find i have been bought



bought by the blood of Jesus

saved to the uttermost

but yet i cannot feel it

it seems is still am lost



lost in a spiritual warfare

waiting for my time to come

when i shall live with Jesus

and then the battle's done



"a perspective of one who's saved [but] suffering from mental illness"

FHG/bkm

Introduction to me

To whomever may read this I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Brenda and this blog was a birthday gift from my daughter. My intro page pretty much says it as to how i like to express myself through writing - whether it's a note to my children (now adults) or to friends or myself, i seek to put into words that which i believe the LORD would have me "say". I seem to have more ease in saying something through words rather than the verbal route, though I know I use both.

As my daughter, Nicole, wrote in the intro, my hope in life is that the writings and what i do in life would be "For His Glory"; and the who in "His" is God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit; three yet one. Many times I fail, but God willing, the summation of my life will reflect that I wanted for Him to be glorified as my goal. The very fact that my daughter recognizes it is a blessing and confirmation in itself. I cried when I read the intro.

My daughter is anxious for me to "post" and so comes the following:

"Lullaby from the Father"

"Shhh" my child
fret not thyself
For I am on the
throne
I will keep you
safe from harm
As on to sleep
you go

I love you child,
you're dear to me
And this love
it has no end

Peace to you
from my own heart
As now you lay
your head

No matter what
the night may bring
Remember this my
child

Have no fear
for I am near
And hold you in my arms./FHG/bkm

Many times as i've went to bed I've felt the need for comforting words...I sought a personal note from God, and it seemed to me He gave me these words. I hope it will bless and encourage others.

brenda