well, months have come and gone, and although i'm not sure of what to post, i feel it necessary to at least say something. so here goes...
life is seldom what we want it to be, or at least seem to THINK we want it to be, at least for a time. it's all about what God wants it to be. albeit, if we're totally sold out to God we would be all about wanting what God wants and thus it would be about what we want it to be, wouldn't it? (is this a conundrum? though i'm not sure that word would truly apply here.)
you'd think that as a christian i'd have learned this, and i have, but it seems to me that it's taken an extensive amount of time to surrender to it, though i do believe it's something we must do daily, even as often as moment by moment or opportunity by opportunity. we need to surrender in more than an intellectual way or perhpas it's merely a more total surrender. you know, you give this and then this and then this until you've finally surrendered it all. perhaps we've surrendered only to "escape" from the surrendering (i.e. we've snatched "it" (whatever that may be for us individually) and then need to surrender again. hopefully, with surrendering comes the realization that it truly is "all about Him". i'd venture to say this would run along the lines of what was discussed with the struggle between the spirit and the flesh. in our spirit we know it's all about God's plan and he knows best, but our fleshly, human side (with all of its emotions and thoughts, etc) want what we want; and we generally seem to "want it now".
so...in recognizing it's all about Him and his will, do i matter? i mean, He has a plan so do i really need to be here? am i needed for his plan? if not, i guess he'd take me out. i heard something to that effect quite a number of years ago. if salvation were God's only goal for me then he would take me out of here (i.e. eartly living) as soon as i received it. the fact that i'm alive, still here on the earth must mean there's a purpose for it to be so.
the thing is, the trouble i have, is figuring out where i fit into this plan. as a mom whose children have all flown from the nest in far distances, i question where do i fit? "mom" was a role that consumed a huge part of me and with their leaving i find myself wondering. i recently tried to explain this to my husband as i mentioned his working somewhere for 30 years and then being unemployed by the company. granted, i still have a role as "mom" but it's vastly different.
also, my mom passed away last summer and i've had very little (no verbal) contact with my father for over 5 years so my role as a "daughter" has also changed dramatically.
as a "sister" in a family of seven, i rarely receive contact from siblings living in other states and in fact, during the time of my mom's passing and since, many of those relationships became estranged; this carries on to the role of "aunt" as well.
as a "believer" i've been in three different churches/fellowships during the past three years as my husband and i seek where God would have us and still can"t seem to "fit in". prior to this we were members of a church for approx 16 years and have had many acquaintances but very few good friends.
i often think "it must be me". "i don't fit". some of this is my problem, some, perhaps, the actions/behaviors of others. the truth is that if it's only me and God that should be sufficient. however, my emotions don't often seem to line up with that.
so...to sum it up; my roles do not make my identity though they seem to give me a sense, or lack thereof, of worth. this is not to say that they should, but that we often derive feelings of worth from what we do or who we are in the human sense and how people respond or don't respond to us. in actuality the goal, i believe, would be to believe what God says. i am his, i am precious in his sight, he will sing and dance over me, he rejoices in me, he will discipline me (because he loves me) and so on.
hope i didn't totally rattle off and lose any of you...i was having trouble getting these thoughts out, and i'm really not whining, just trying to process. signing off 8/24/10.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
miscellaneous thoughts
Peace is not the absence of suffering, but the knowledge that God is with me through/during it. Embracing and believing that knowledge, though, is sometimes difficult and can only be done by His Spirit. There is nothing we can do of ourselves, which at times frustrates me, but should rather push me back into his lap.
"It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23.
"It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23.
Friday, March 12, 2010
heart disease
ok, it's been right about a month since the last entry. not too bad considering the months that passed prior to the last post.
not too many days ago, my husband and i were in the truck going somewhere when it seemed the Lord was speaking to me re heart disease.
now most of us (if not all) have prob heard of the dangers of heart disease and the consequences of such; but have we ever really considered the spiritual type of heart disease? i know i suffer with it, though i desire healing.
i'm not necessarily talking of spiritually fatal heart disease, which would mean that my heart was corrupted with sin which would result in eternal death; Jesus' sacrifice healed that part many, many years ago. but what about the clogged arteries, or the lack of exercise, or the lack of blood flow (his) pumping through me or the correct nutrition to keep it going?
i recently finished reading a book re a doctor who did heart transplants and a key verse was "...guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life" (prov 4:23)and that's what seemed to lead to this blog entry.
though i'm not a medical professional, i am a christian.
as noted earlier, it seems to me that i have some spiritual heart disease. i'm guilty of allowing other people's behavior (actions or lack thereof, attitudes, etc) affect my heart and thus my attitudes and actions. i guess you could say i've eaten the wrong diet. i need to focus on what God says about me, not how others relate or don't relate to me. feeding on the wrong diet seems to create areas of hardness in my heart. what should dictate my behavior in this life is the Holy Spirit of God. just as i'm not to be drunk with wine but be filled by the Spirit, so i should not be influenced by others behavior. THANK GOD he can truly change a heart of stone to a heart of flesh.
i also lack spiritual exercise. it's been way too long since i've kept up my studies and prayer times, as well as regular attendance in worship and fellowship as my daily way of life. without exercise it only seems to reason that we become weak. exercise is oftentimes hard, and i've never really gotten into it in the physical sense. spiritual exercise is also hard as the enemy (satan) throws all sorts of distractions into the mix as well as deceit; sometimes disagreements with others, emotions, illness, trouble with the car, or who knows what else. i heard a man speak on television the other night; [paraphrased in my own words: that when God has called you to a task, even though there are obstacles thrown in the way, be faithful to it unless He has told you not to do it, and if you're confused, go ahead with it unless it is contradictory to God's word]. how often i've given in because i'm too tired, too upset, too frustrated, or perhaps even confused (should we go here or there?), or a doctor appt comes up when i'm supposed to have my God appt time, etc. i have not been disciplined in my exercise.
as for clogged arteries? though God has done a wonderful work in teaching me about forgiveness and helping me to understand and apply it, i still suffer with anger and feelings of insignificance and loneliness that seem to build up "plaque" and not allow the spiritual truths to flow through me effortlessly. i know it's been said that Jesus is all we need but living in the earthly realm i still struggle. there's been a lot of different losses in my life over the last five years and the depression, though seeming to dissipate for a time, still rares its head way too often. i need a good diet of God's truths at regular intervals to offset this.
not sure if i really got all these thoughts out like i'd hoped. the thing is, heart disease can result in death and spiritual heart disease can cause us to die in another way. we die to joy and the abundant life that God has planned for us. God's word speaks that "Where there is no vision, the people perish:..."(prov 29:18b). the thing is, God is to be our vision, our hope, our healing, our everything...our wellspring.
"...the wellspring of life." i looked up some of the meanings: "source", "origin", "one that never ends"
you all have a great day and "guard your heart". i hope to be doing a better job with mine.
not too many days ago, my husband and i were in the truck going somewhere when it seemed the Lord was speaking to me re heart disease.
now most of us (if not all) have prob heard of the dangers of heart disease and the consequences of such; but have we ever really considered the spiritual type of heart disease? i know i suffer with it, though i desire healing.
i'm not necessarily talking of spiritually fatal heart disease, which would mean that my heart was corrupted with sin which would result in eternal death; Jesus' sacrifice healed that part many, many years ago. but what about the clogged arteries, or the lack of exercise, or the lack of blood flow (his) pumping through me or the correct nutrition to keep it going?
i recently finished reading a book re a doctor who did heart transplants and a key verse was "...guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life" (prov 4:23)and that's what seemed to lead to this blog entry.
though i'm not a medical professional, i am a christian.
as noted earlier, it seems to me that i have some spiritual heart disease. i'm guilty of allowing other people's behavior (actions or lack thereof, attitudes, etc) affect my heart and thus my attitudes and actions. i guess you could say i've eaten the wrong diet. i need to focus on what God says about me, not how others relate or don't relate to me. feeding on the wrong diet seems to create areas of hardness in my heart. what should dictate my behavior in this life is the Holy Spirit of God. just as i'm not to be drunk with wine but be filled by the Spirit, so i should not be influenced by others behavior. THANK GOD he can truly change a heart of stone to a heart of flesh.
i also lack spiritual exercise. it's been way too long since i've kept up my studies and prayer times, as well as regular attendance in worship and fellowship as my daily way of life. without exercise it only seems to reason that we become weak. exercise is oftentimes hard, and i've never really gotten into it in the physical sense. spiritual exercise is also hard as the enemy (satan) throws all sorts of distractions into the mix as well as deceit; sometimes disagreements with others, emotions, illness, trouble with the car, or who knows what else. i heard a man speak on television the other night; [paraphrased in my own words: that when God has called you to a task, even though there are obstacles thrown in the way, be faithful to it unless He has told you not to do it, and if you're confused, go ahead with it unless it is contradictory to God's word]. how often i've given in because i'm too tired, too upset, too frustrated, or perhaps even confused (should we go here or there?), or a doctor appt comes up when i'm supposed to have my God appt time, etc. i have not been disciplined in my exercise.
as for clogged arteries? though God has done a wonderful work in teaching me about forgiveness and helping me to understand and apply it, i still suffer with anger and feelings of insignificance and loneliness that seem to build up "plaque" and not allow the spiritual truths to flow through me effortlessly. i know it's been said that Jesus is all we need but living in the earthly realm i still struggle. there's been a lot of different losses in my life over the last five years and the depression, though seeming to dissipate for a time, still rares its head way too often. i need a good diet of God's truths at regular intervals to offset this.
not sure if i really got all these thoughts out like i'd hoped. the thing is, heart disease can result in death and spiritual heart disease can cause us to die in another way. we die to joy and the abundant life that God has planned for us. God's word speaks that "Where there is no vision, the people perish:..."(prov 29:18b). the thing is, God is to be our vision, our hope, our healing, our everything...our wellspring.
"...the wellspring of life." i looked up some of the meanings: "source", "origin", "one that never ends"
you all have a great day and "guard your heart". i hope to be doing a better job with mine.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
LONG LONG AGO
quite a while ago my daughter set this blogsite up for me because i enjoyed writing. for whatever reason and/or numerous reasons i've neglected it for many months. for now, i'm going to attempt to get back on the horse (so to speak) and write.
i've enjoyed writing for most of my 50 years and at one time or another persons have mentioned i should write a book. the fact that i've went from "i could probably write a book" to "there's no way i'm qualified to write a book" may or may not have anything to do with it. as with my life in general i need to see what God has to say or direct about it.
as this blog is entitled, it needs to be For His Glory whether my writing is published (as some would tell you it needs to be for it to be) or whether it's cards, notes, letters, emails, poems, writings, journals, or this blog, etc. that is written. 1 Corinthians 10:31 tells us that whatever we do in word or deed should be for His glory; thus that is my goal and my prayer is that it would help both me and others in whatever way God sees fit.
today is just a catch up to start again.
quite a while ago my daughter set this blogsite up for me because i enjoyed writing. for whatever reason and/or numerous reasons i've neglected it for many months. for now, i'm going to attempt to get back on the horse (so to speak) and write.
i've enjoyed writing for most of my 50 years and at one time or another persons have mentioned i should write a book. the fact that i've went from "i could probably write a book" to "there's no way i'm qualified to write a book" may or may not have anything to do with it. as with my life in general i need to see what God has to say or direct about it.
as this blog is entitled, it needs to be For His Glory whether my writing is published (as some would tell you it needs to be for it to be) or whether it's cards, notes, letters, emails, poems, writings, journals, or this blog, etc. that is written. 1 Corinthians 10:31 tells us that whatever we do in word or deed should be for His glory; thus that is my goal and my prayer is that it would help both me and others in whatever way God sees fit.
today is just a catch up to start again.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Reflections
I am attempting daily time with God and today was day four (in a row). That's quite an accomplishment for me lately. Anyway, i'm using a Psalms journal i purchased not too long ago. Each day has some verses from various Psalms on one side and then a page for notes on the other. Today i'm letting you in on some of my reflections and thoughts. May they be an encouragement.
One day in God's presence is worth a thousand without it. Consider the value - how many other "things" are worth this? NONE - nothing compares. Even at the threshold; even if i only get to gaze on it or be a doorkeeper, it is better than anything "egypt" (aka the world) has to offer. I believe even if only a doorkeeper, His glory would still cover me by spilling out into the threshold.
God is my protection, my refuge, from he who seeks me harm.
To be taught involves sitting under the tutor, which for me is the Holy Spirit. I must be listening, taking notes, writing essays, taking tests, applying myself using discipline and a schedule, attempting to apply what I learn, receiving rewards for accomplishment and gaining satisfaction when the grades are in. Realize also, that the classroom is not limited to one particular place and/or time; it is all over, wherever He chooses to teach and amongst whomever he wishes to speak. ("field trips" are a regular part of the curriculum)
"I will" walk in your truth is a desire followed by a decision made continually on a daily, even moment by moment, basis. To "walk in...truth" means I must know the truth and not be deceived by what is perceived truth. In order to recognize a counterfeit, you must be throughly acquainted with the original.
I do not want a divided heart.
I am to give thanks regardless of the circumstances and mean it!
When in a desert, remember to realize HE is my only water source.
references are in regard to my study today in Psalm 84:10, Psalm 142:5, Psalm 86:11-12 & Psalm 143:6
I'm also doing a study on "one in a million" at this same time. God is always at work and I'm so thankful He has not given up on me. He has loved me with an everlasting love.
FHG/bkm
One day in God's presence is worth a thousand without it. Consider the value - how many other "things" are worth this? NONE - nothing compares. Even at the threshold; even if i only get to gaze on it or be a doorkeeper, it is better than anything "egypt" (aka the world) has to offer. I believe even if only a doorkeeper, His glory would still cover me by spilling out into the threshold.
God is my protection, my refuge, from he who seeks me harm.
To be taught involves sitting under the tutor, which for me is the Holy Spirit. I must be listening, taking notes, writing essays, taking tests, applying myself using discipline and a schedule, attempting to apply what I learn, receiving rewards for accomplishment and gaining satisfaction when the grades are in. Realize also, that the classroom is not limited to one particular place and/or time; it is all over, wherever He chooses to teach and amongst whomever he wishes to speak. ("field trips" are a regular part of the curriculum)
"I will" walk in your truth is a desire followed by a decision made continually on a daily, even moment by moment, basis. To "walk in...truth" means I must know the truth and not be deceived by what is perceived truth. In order to recognize a counterfeit, you must be throughly acquainted with the original.
I do not want a divided heart.
I am to give thanks regardless of the circumstances and mean it!
When in a desert, remember to realize HE is my only water source.
references are in regard to my study today in Psalm 84:10, Psalm 142:5, Psalm 86:11-12 & Psalm 143:6
I'm also doing a study on "one in a million" at this same time. God is always at work and I'm so thankful He has not given up on me. He has loved me with an everlasting love.
FHG/bkm
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
"the sky is falling"
The other day I went into a used book store (one of my favorite things to do) and saw an old copy of "Chicken Little". Of course I remembered the story, but not completely, so I read it and realized how like life it could be. Did the author plan this? I do not know, but for me it revealed a spiritual lesson.
Many times we face trials and think "the sky is falling" or in other words: "my life is falling apart because..." and we focus on that particular circumstance: illness, a wayward family member or friend, a financial crisis, marriage troubles, child troubles, substance abuse, or whatever the incident (or plural in many cases) may be.
The truth is we have been distracted. God still holds the sky!! The circumstance is but something Satan would like to use to bring about distraction from God! Satan lies and tells us things are going to cave in, end in catastrophy, break the camel's back; whatever cliche' works, when in reality it is NOT the truth if we are God's child. God has plans of good and not evil for his children (Jeremiah 29:11).
It took the wise owl in the story to point out to Chicken Little that it was only an apple - not the sky - that had fallen; and then suggested that Chicken Little eat the apple. The very thing that he thought was part of destruction instead ended up providing sustenance for him. How like God to provide "food" - strength for our souls - through the various trials that we find ourselves, if we will but be wise and listen to the truth - not the distractions.
Also note that Chicken Little believed "the sky is falling" and proceeded to tell numerous others. We must caution ourselves on how and what we proclaim to others for it seems to me that it multiplies, though it did eventually take Chicken Little to the owl who was able to reveal the truth. Not sure exactly how to balance this except to say we should seek wisdom first and not upset others along the way unnecessarily.
Have i made any sense here? it seemed so clear to me :-)
BTW - i bought the book - it was only 85cents!
Many times we face trials and think "the sky is falling" or in other words: "my life is falling apart because..." and we focus on that particular circumstance: illness, a wayward family member or friend, a financial crisis, marriage troubles, child troubles, substance abuse, or whatever the incident (or plural in many cases) may be.
The truth is we have been distracted. God still holds the sky!! The circumstance is but something Satan would like to use to bring about distraction from God! Satan lies and tells us things are going to cave in, end in catastrophy, break the camel's back; whatever cliche' works, when in reality it is NOT the truth if we are God's child. God has plans of good and not evil for his children (Jeremiah 29:11).
It took the wise owl in the story to point out to Chicken Little that it was only an apple - not the sky - that had fallen; and then suggested that Chicken Little eat the apple. The very thing that he thought was part of destruction instead ended up providing sustenance for him. How like God to provide "food" - strength for our souls - through the various trials that we find ourselves, if we will but be wise and listen to the truth - not the distractions.
Also note that Chicken Little believed "the sky is falling" and proceeded to tell numerous others. We must caution ourselves on how and what we proclaim to others for it seems to me that it multiplies, though it did eventually take Chicken Little to the owl who was able to reveal the truth. Not sure exactly how to balance this except to say we should seek wisdom first and not upset others along the way unnecessarily.
Have i made any sense here? it seemed so clear to me :-)
BTW - i bought the book - it was only 85cents!
Monday, April 27, 2009
the pursuit of excellence
ok, it's been quite a while since blogging. i want to "vent" today about how there seems to be a lack of excellence in society. whether it's a restaurant, a store, or people in general - it seems difficult to find a place that people really care about what they offer in the way of goods or services. quality is lacking in many places and at many times.
restaurants that offer low standards of service; either they don't get the order right, are very slow to fill the order, ring it up wrong, or are just plain rude or snobbish and then offer nothing more than "sorry" with nothing to compensate for your time, gas, inconvenience etc.
now i'm not of the mind that the customer is always right, because we aren't. however, when you order food and it's on the receipt with "no onion" or whatever your particular choice is, and you drive for miles to bring it home and it's still wrong - and so you go without eating it - you return it and all they offer is your money back and/or another sandwich, i have to ask "why would i choose to do business with them again?" what have they done to encourage me that customer satisfaction is their goal and that they would like to keep me as a customer? perhaps...they really don't care if i'm a customer...perhaps it doesn't matter if they lose my particular business. however, they should know that i will most likely let others know and word of mouth will usually spread.
or how about if you're neglected while waiting for your food at a sit down restaurant? it takes literally an hour, even though you requested assistance from a manager(?) who takes nothing off the bill, and just offers excuses with no real reasoning? and then, you take it to the next level (or so you think) and they offer NOTHING to say "i'm sorry, we'd really like you to give us another try, enjoy....on us". or, when you order a steak and it takes 3 times to get it cooked correctly and then nothing is taken off the bill and by then everyone else in your group has finished and you get to take the steak "home" and maybe eat it later. and then there's getting bleach water in you water glass as a beverage, actually taking a drink and swallowing before you realize it, because someone used the wrong pitcher (yes this happened and pretty much all they did was say i'm sorry!! - guess maybe we could have sued, but...)
then there are stores who don't credit your account (charge accts) when you've made a payment and you have to spend 30 plus minutes with numerous people on phone calls to be asked to wait 10 days for it to get cleared up and over 30 days later it still isn't cleared up! and of course there was the whole employee at the store spending 30 minutes talking to some other employee when there were six or seven people in line waiting to check out and then used (allegedly) the wrong register to ring in your payment. Come on...
is it really that parents/teachers/society as a whole have taught no "pursuit of excellence"? or is it that most people know, but really just don't care?
once again, i am not offering a paid endorsement, however, i find that Chick-fil-A generally goes over the top in trying for customer satisfaction. perhaps that's because employees are taught to take to heart that they're there to serve. ("How may I serve you?" "My pleasure.")
Jesus himself, came to serve, and we are to be examples. I know i lose my temper at times (my husband has to pray for me when i get on the phone with these types of situations), but really, it's all too common. less than exemplary has become the standard. whether it's doctor's appts., stores, restaurants, traffic, and so on...excellence or caring about the other person and going the extra mile has become almost non-existent. i really don't like that it is this way. am i alone here or have you noticed it too?
restaurants that offer low standards of service; either they don't get the order right, are very slow to fill the order, ring it up wrong, or are just plain rude or snobbish and then offer nothing more than "sorry" with nothing to compensate for your time, gas, inconvenience etc.
now i'm not of the mind that the customer is always right, because we aren't. however, when you order food and it's on the receipt with "no onion" or whatever your particular choice is, and you drive for miles to bring it home and it's still wrong - and so you go without eating it - you return it and all they offer is your money back and/or another sandwich, i have to ask "why would i choose to do business with them again?" what have they done to encourage me that customer satisfaction is their goal and that they would like to keep me as a customer? perhaps...they really don't care if i'm a customer...perhaps it doesn't matter if they lose my particular business. however, they should know that i will most likely let others know and word of mouth will usually spread.
or how about if you're neglected while waiting for your food at a sit down restaurant? it takes literally an hour, even though you requested assistance from a manager(?) who takes nothing off the bill, and just offers excuses with no real reasoning? and then, you take it to the next level (or so you think) and they offer NOTHING to say "i'm sorry, we'd really like you to give us another try, enjoy....on us". or, when you order a steak and it takes 3 times to get it cooked correctly and then nothing is taken off the bill and by then everyone else in your group has finished and you get to take the steak "home" and maybe eat it later. and then there's getting bleach water in you water glass as a beverage, actually taking a drink and swallowing before you realize it, because someone used the wrong pitcher (yes this happened and pretty much all they did was say i'm sorry!! - guess maybe we could have sued, but...)
then there are stores who don't credit your account (charge accts) when you've made a payment and you have to spend 30 plus minutes with numerous people on phone calls to be asked to wait 10 days for it to get cleared up and over 30 days later it still isn't cleared up! and of course there was the whole employee at the store spending 30 minutes talking to some other employee when there were six or seven people in line waiting to check out and then used (allegedly) the wrong register to ring in your payment. Come on...
is it really that parents/teachers/society as a whole have taught no "pursuit of excellence"? or is it that most people know, but really just don't care?
once again, i am not offering a paid endorsement, however, i find that Chick-fil-A generally goes over the top in trying for customer satisfaction. perhaps that's because employees are taught to take to heart that they're there to serve. ("How may I serve you?" "My pleasure.")
Jesus himself, came to serve, and we are to be examples. I know i lose my temper at times (my husband has to pray for me when i get on the phone with these types of situations), but really, it's all too common. less than exemplary has become the standard. whether it's doctor's appts., stores, restaurants, traffic, and so on...excellence or caring about the other person and going the extra mile has become almost non-existent. i really don't like that it is this way. am i alone here or have you noticed it too?
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