well, it's been a while, but here's an update in reference to my last post:

**found mike's old cowboy hat (it's now hanging in the addition); don't have his boots out yet

**found some of the old baby clothes and loaned them out for everett's use :-)

**got most of the "western" decor put up in the addition and the walls got painted, we still need to paint the doors

**we [my husband did most all the labor] made what i consider a nice looking "window box" shelving unit for the additon: designed, cut, secured, stained and then decorated with more "western" stuff (this was done in lieu of a window shutter)

**the kitchen cabinets, sink and countertop got put in as well as the flooring.  my husband did the work and though there's still trim and other things left to do, it's a nice change but it did take a while to get rearranged and use to where things are now.

**i participated in and did most of the september, 2011, 30 days of lists challenge and enjoyed it.  (ps they have a new one coming up in march if you're interested)

i didn't do so well on the following:

**getting pictures sorted, edited, and processed

**scrapbooking (though i have helped to get our daughter in law started on one for our grandson)

**consistent, daily devotional times

30 days of lists - September

Day 1 - Goals for this month:

whether they actually get done or not is something else :) and they're not in any particular order:

*start/work on kitchen remodel

*finish addition remodel: window shutter, finish painting, decor

*get pics organized and some printed! at least certain themes so i can catch up on some scapbooking!

*get dental work done

*do a collage/shadow box type display of:
j. t. concert from last october
adam & megan's wedding
out west prints

*be more disciplined in my quiet times/studies

*household filing caught up

*find mike's old cowboy boots (and maybe hat?)

*find adam's old chaps (and did he have a vest?)

*wash "pooh" blanket and any clothes (mike's) we may have for everett

*celebrate anniversary #31!!

*make 30 days journal (i'm late on this, but oh well!)

30 days of lists: day 14 & 15

day 14 - (fill in the blank) Things I love about ______________

God...

• that He forgives beyond my human understanding
• that He can make all things new
• that He redeems
• that He can bring reconciliation
• that He can heal
• that He loves me
• that He accepts me
• that He can make good out of chaos
• that no matter how far I go, I can't get away from Him

day 15 - On my shopping list[s]

Grocery:
*ingredients needed for raspberry-almond tea cakes

Other: (not sure if some of this would be considered wish list rather than shopping list, but oh, well)

*some specific tupperware containers i want for the kitchen

*a tea cozy or two (different sizes)

*stainless steel/glass spice jar set

*dresser for the bedroom closet

*lily bulbs & others (this was from last year and didn't get done, but is still on an old list)

*various books i want to get (it would be a long list to try to put here)

*various songs to add to my iTunes library (also, quite a list, though not as many as the books)

*more anamalz (wooden toys) to complete my collection, also the bags for them

*miniature butter dish

*wrapping paper holder

*curtains for the bathroom

30 days of lists: day 13 - DIY i want to try

thinking, thinking, thinking...

*i've been wanting to make a quilt. i have a general idea, but... I bought some fabric squares in Bozeman, MT when we went to Yellowstone National Park in 2009 that i really liked and want something made from them.

*want to get caught up and back into a regular habit of scrapbooking. i'm years behind.

*bought some old windows and want to mount photos or paint on each of the glass sections.

*i've made a few jewelry pieces and would like to do more

*writing more: journaling, poems, etc

*complete an old sewing project from decades ago

30 days of lists: day 12 - weekly rituals

ok, i have some weekly "habits" per se

*television shows: NCIS, NCIS LA, White Collar, The Mentalist are pretty much set. Blue Bloods & Fairly Legal are also creeping in there.

*wednesday's i meet with a couple other women and share prayer requests, have fellowship and we're reading through and discussing the book, "Lioness Arising" by Lisa Bevere

*1st and 3rd thursdays (through the school year) i'm dong volunteer reading for students in kindergarten

*every 4 weeks i have some medical stuff that goes on

*pretty much read every night of every week

30 days of lists: day 11 - date night ideas

wow...what do i want to do?

me and my husband:

*take a road trip to a touristy kind of place like when we went to fells pt, md or charleston, sc

*scenic drives and stopping to take pics during it (the blue ridge parkway is great, but a distance away, so that part one would have to be a weekend kinda thing)

*attend another josh turner concert!! (we went in october and it was great!)

*drive around and find a place to do some "picking" like on the tv show "american pickers" -- looking for cool, old stuff that doesn't cost too much

*going to a decent movie and enjoying it with popcorn, a drink, and some milkduds

*dinner out at a nice restaurant and having flowers delivered to the table from him as a surprise

*a picnic lunch at a local park/lake (did this once and we took grilled hotdogs, chips, and rootbeer)

*go in a store that sells greeting cards and pick one out for each other and show it to the other (the thought really does count for something :)


dates with girlfriends/others

*lunch at a true tearoom (the kind with scones, finger sandwiches, etc. the one near me closed up :-(

*bookstore shopping spree

*starbucks and just hanging out talking

*get together for movies/dvds etc and laugh a lot

*scrapbook/card making night

*take a class on learning/doing quilting together


dates with my kids and/or their spouses (they're all adults)

*christmas/bday shopping trips

*time together looking through old photos, memorabilia

*movies

*shopping for clothes with my daughter (she can help me put things together - i don't usually like to shop for clothes)

*going out to eat together


looking forward to this one day...grandchild/grandchildren

*shopping--(toys, toys, toys and books, books, books, and clothes, clothes, clothes or whatever :-) just having fun letting him/her shop)

*ice cream night

*playing games

*hanging out, watching movies, etc

*craft projects


for "me alone" time

*perhaps an art class of some kind

*thrift shopping

30 days of lists: day 10

i'm coming in on this late, but jumping in now to participate in 30 days of lists: no fancy pics or anything yet, mainly cuz i don't readily know how to do all that.

*shelf/cab for our kitchen for near the back door (for appliances, etc)

*a tv stand that will hold the vcr as well as my cm photo albums

*a dresser for our bedroom closet

*a frame for my water+trees print

*chair cushions for kitchen chairs

*different kitchen table and chairs

*?open bookshelf or counter, etc for studio

*repairs/upgrades in our home (or a new home?)

success and faithfulness

i read a quote recently during my devotional that was attributed to Mother Teresa. "I do not pray for success. I pray for faithfulness."

this strikes me as a worthy goal as a christian. i believe that the devotional i was reading at the time was relating to financial success. i believe it goes further than that and can be applied in other ways.

i find myself wishing to be successful in my relationships, eating, exercise, self discipline, financial goals, housing, employment and on and on. there are so many challenges that call to me, whether self imposed or through the endless litany of media outlets and others (even friends at times) that promote "good looks", "nice" cars or homes, the "perfect" job, having the "right" amount in our bank accounts, and on and on it goes. now the thought occurs that regardless of what i'm facing, if i am faithful to God i am a success. wierd how that works. striving for one (faithfulness) and attaining them both.

however, some would consider a particular goal a "success" regardless of if God is in it. (i.e. if i have $$$ saved for retirement, then i've been successful, if i get this degree in college, then i'm successful, if i get married and have x number of children, i'm successful.) how about we turn that around to, "if i do as God directs then [fill in blank] will be as God has deemed and that is success for he alone knows what is coming."

i find i cannot have true success without faithfulness for that in itself is success.

now...may i remain faithful, realizing it is only through Him that i can,

"Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy" Jude 1:24

"...and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day." 2 Timothy 1:12

a plants' life and more

I have a Christmas cactus that had sat in the addition of our home for roughly two years; most of that time it seems it was neglected. I seldom watered it, and though I don't know a lot about plants, this one seldom had sunlight, and I'm certain it needed some. It was droopy :-(

A few months or so back, I moved the plant to our bathroom. I try to open the blinds daily to allow sunlight for it and have watered it on a fairly consistent basis.

Today I noticed new sprouts or buds on the plant! Now some of you may think, "Well, of course, that's what a tended plant will do." or something to that effect; and, you're right. But thoughts that came just a tad later seemed to speak even louder.

Our lives can be looked at like that plant. If our spiritual needs are neglected we will wither. We will be droopy. However, if we gain regular nutrition, son light, watering, etc. we will sprout, grow, blossom, and flourish. (nutrition can be obtained through His word, the Holy Spirit, & other believers)

Many years ago, it seemed the LORD spoke directly to me as I questioned him. I've struggled with depression a lot of my adult life, and looking back probably dealt with it as a child and teen but didn't realize it. His answer seemed to be the following. I pray it blesses you. It's a reminder to me that He is at work, that He has a plan for me, though often I've questioned. I don't currently have a title for it, but please, if you post or copy it, etc, please do so For His Glory (1 Cor 10:31)

"I'LL SPRINKLE you like the dew--
refresh you, cool you, and yes prune you.

You will blossom to a fruitful bush and
many will eat of you.

You will be a blessing to others and will
feed and nurture them.

Only prepare yourself a good soil, that your
roots may be strong.

Be patient, a strong tree takes time,
but persist to be nurtured,

Endure the pruning for soon comes
forth the fruit.

BE STILL and KNOW that I am GOD"

FHG/bkm c1996-1997

I hope the Christmas cactus eventually has some beautiful flowers; but for now at least it appears to be recuperating a bit. How much more so do you think God delights when we sprout? :-)

watching out for identity disorders

well, months have come and gone, and although i'm not sure of what to post, i feel it necessary to at least say something. so here goes...

life is seldom what we want it to be, or at least seem to THINK we want it to be, at least for a time. it's all about what God wants it to be. albeit, if we're totally sold out to God we would be all about wanting what God wants and thus it would be about what we want it to be, wouldn't it? (is this a conundrum? though i'm not sure that word would truly apply here.)

you'd think that as a christian i'd have learned this, and i have, but it seems to me that it's taken an extensive amount of time to surrender to it, though i do believe it's something we must do daily, even as often as moment by moment or opportunity by opportunity. we need to surrender in more than an intellectual way or perhpas it's merely a more total surrender. you know, you give this and then this and then this until you've finally surrendered it all. perhaps we've surrendered only to "escape" from the surrendering (i.e. we've snatched "it" (whatever that may be for us individually) and then need to surrender again. hopefully, with surrendering comes the realization that it truly is "all about Him". i'd venture to say this would run along the lines of what was discussed with the struggle between the spirit and the flesh. in our spirit we know it's all about God's plan and he knows best, but our fleshly, human side (with all of its emotions and thoughts, etc) want what we want; and we generally seem to "want it now".

so...in recognizing it's all about Him and his will, do i matter? i mean, He has a plan so do i really need to be here? am i needed for his plan? if not, i guess he'd take me out. i heard something to that effect quite a number of years ago. if salvation were God's only goal for me then he would take me out of here (i.e. eartly living) as soon as i received it. the fact that i'm alive, still here on the earth must mean there's a purpose for it to be so.

the thing is, the trouble i have, is figuring out where i fit into this plan. as a mom whose children have all flown from the nest in far distances, i question where do i fit? "mom" was a role that consumed a huge part of me and with their leaving i find myself wondering. i recently tried to explain this to my husband as i mentioned his working somewhere for 30 years and then being unemployed by the company. granted, i still have a role as "mom" but it's vastly different.

also, my mom passed away last summer and i've had very little (no verbal) contact with my father for over 5 years so my role as a "daughter" has also changed dramatically.

as a "sister" in a family of seven, i rarely receive contact from siblings living in other states and in fact, during the time of my mom's passing and since, many of those relationships became estranged; this carries on to the role of "aunt" as well.

as a "believer" i've been in three different churches/fellowships during the past three years as my husband and i seek where God would have us and still can"t seem to "fit in". prior to this we were members of a church for approx 16 years and have had many acquaintances but very few good friends.

i often think "it must be me". "i don't fit". some of this is my problem, some, perhaps, the actions/behaviors of others. the truth is that if it's only me and God that should be sufficient. however, my emotions don't often seem to line up with that.

so...to sum it up; my roles do not make my identity though they seem to give me a sense, or lack thereof, of worth. this is not to say that they should, but that we often derive feelings of worth from what we do or who we are in the human sense and how people respond or don't respond to us. in actuality the goal, i believe, would be to believe what God says. i am his, i am precious in his sight, he will sing and dance over me, he rejoices in me, he will discipline me (because he loves me) and so on.

hope i didn't totally rattle off and lose any of you...i was having trouble getting these thoughts out, and i'm really not whining, just trying to process. signing off 8/24/10.

miscellaneous thoughts

Peace is not the absence of suffering, but the knowledge that God is with me through/during it. Embracing and believing that knowledge, though, is sometimes difficult and can only be done by His Spirit. There is nothing we can do of ourselves, which at times frustrates me, but should rather push me back into his lap.

"It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23.

heart disease

ok, it's been right about a month since the last entry. not too bad considering the months that passed prior to the last post.

not too many days ago, my husband and i were in the truck going somewhere when it seemed the Lord was speaking to me re heart disease.

now most of us (if not all) have prob heard of the dangers of heart disease and the consequences of such; but have we ever really considered the spiritual type of heart disease? i know i suffer with it, though i desire healing.

i'm not necessarily talking of spiritually fatal heart disease, which would mean that my heart was corrupted with sin which would result in eternal death; Jesus' sacrifice healed that part many, many years ago. but what about the clogged arteries, or the lack of exercise, or the lack of blood flow (his) pumping through me or the correct nutrition to keep it going?

i recently finished reading a book re a doctor who did heart transplants and a key verse was "...guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life" (prov 4:23)and that's what seemed to lead to this blog entry.

though i'm not a medical professional, i am a christian.

as noted earlier, it seems to me that i have some spiritual heart disease. i'm guilty of allowing other people's behavior (actions or lack thereof, attitudes, etc) affect my heart and thus my attitudes and actions. i guess you could say i've eaten the wrong diet. i need to focus on what God says about me, not how others relate or don't relate to me. feeding on the wrong diet seems to create areas of hardness in my heart. what should dictate my behavior in this life is the Holy Spirit of God. just as i'm not to be drunk with wine but be filled by the Spirit, so i should not be influenced by others behavior. THANK GOD he can truly change a heart of stone to a heart of flesh.

i also lack spiritual exercise. it's been way too long since i've kept up my studies and prayer times, as well as regular attendance in worship and fellowship as my daily way of life. without exercise it only seems to reason that we become weak. exercise is oftentimes hard, and i've never really gotten into it in the physical sense. spiritual exercise is also hard as the enemy (satan) throws all sorts of distractions into the mix as well as deceit; sometimes disagreements with others, emotions, illness, trouble with the car, or who knows what else. i heard a man speak on television the other night; [paraphrased in my own words: that when God has called you to a task, even though there are obstacles thrown in the way, be faithful to it unless He has told you not to do it, and if you're confused, go ahead with it unless it is contradictory to God's word]. how often i've given in because i'm too tired, too upset, too frustrated, or perhaps even confused (should we go here or there?), or a doctor appt comes up when i'm supposed to have my God appt time, etc. i have not been disciplined in my exercise.

as for clogged arteries? though God has done a wonderful work in teaching me about forgiveness and helping me to understand and apply it, i still suffer with anger and feelings of insignificance and loneliness that seem to build up "plaque" and not allow the spiritual truths to flow through me effortlessly. i know it's been said that Jesus is all we need but living in the earthly realm i still struggle. there's been a lot of different losses in my life over the last five years and the depression, though seeming to dissipate for a time, still rares its head way too often. i need a good diet of God's truths at regular intervals to offset this.

not sure if i really got all these thoughts out like i'd hoped. the thing is, heart disease can result in death and spiritual heart disease can cause us to die in another way. we die to joy and the abundant life that God has planned for us. God's word speaks that "Where there is no vision, the people perish:..."(prov 29:18b). the thing is, God is to be our vision, our hope, our healing, our everything...our wellspring.

"...the wellspring of life." i looked up some of the meanings: "source", "origin", "one that never ends"

you all have a great day and "guard your heart". i hope to be doing a better job with mine.

LONG LONG AGO

quite a while ago my daughter set this blogsite up for me because i enjoyed writing. for whatever reason and/or numerous reasons i've neglected it for many months. for now, i'm going to attempt to get back on the horse (so to speak) and write.

i've enjoyed writing for most of my 50 years and at one time or another persons have mentioned i should write a book. the fact that i've went from "i could probably write a book" to "there's no way i'm qualified to write a book" may or may not have anything to do with it. as with my life in general i need to see what God has to say or direct about it.

as this blog is entitled, it needs to be For His Glory whether my writing is published (as some would tell you it needs to be for it to be) or whether it's cards, notes, letters, emails, poems, writings, journals, or this blog, etc. that is written. 1 Corinthians 10:31 tells us that whatever we do in word or deed should be for His glory; thus that is my goal and my prayer is that it would help both me and others in whatever way God sees fit.

today is just a catch up to start again.

Reflections

I am attempting daily time with God and today was day four (in a row). That's quite an accomplishment for me lately. Anyway, i'm using a Psalms journal i purchased not too long ago. Each day has some verses from various Psalms on one side and then a page for notes on the other. Today i'm letting you in on some of my reflections and thoughts. May they be an encouragement.

One day in God's presence is worth a thousand without it. Consider the value - how many other "things" are worth this? NONE - nothing compares. Even at the threshold; even if i only get to gaze on it or be a doorkeeper, it is better than anything "egypt" (aka the world) has to offer. I believe even if only a doorkeeper, His glory would still cover me by spilling out into the threshold.

God is my protection, my refuge, from he who seeks me harm.

To be taught involves sitting under the tutor, which for me is the Holy Spirit. I must be listening, taking notes, writing essays, taking tests, applying myself using discipline and a schedule, attempting to apply what I learn, receiving rewards for accomplishment and gaining satisfaction when the grades are in. Realize also, that the classroom is not limited to one particular place and/or time; it is all over, wherever He chooses to teach and amongst whomever he wishes to speak. ("field trips" are a regular part of the curriculum)

"I will" walk in your truth is a desire followed by a decision made continually on a daily, even moment by moment, basis. To "walk in...truth" means I must know the truth and not be deceived by what is perceived truth. In order to recognize a counterfeit, you must be throughly acquainted with the original.

I do not want a divided heart.

I am to give thanks regardless of the circumstances and mean it!

When in a desert, remember to realize HE is my only water source.

references are in regard to my study today in Psalm 84:10, Psalm 142:5, Psalm 86:11-12 & Psalm 143:6

I'm also doing a study on "one in a million" at this same time. God is always at work and I'm so thankful He has not given up on me. He has loved me with an everlasting love.

FHG/bkm

"the sky is falling"

The other day I went into a used book store (one of my favorite things to do) and saw an old copy of "Chicken Little". Of course I remembered the story, but not completely, so I read it and realized how like life it could be. Did the author plan this? I do not know, but for me it revealed a spiritual lesson.



Many times we face trials and think "the sky is falling" or in other words: "my life is falling apart because..." and we focus on that particular circumstance: illness, a wayward family member or friend, a financial crisis, marriage troubles, child troubles, substance abuse, or whatever the incident (or plural in many cases) may be.



The truth is we have been distracted. God still holds the sky!! The circumstance is but something Satan would like to use to bring about distraction from God! Satan lies and tells us things are going to cave in, end in catastrophy, break the camel's back; whatever cliche' works, when in reality it is NOT the truth if we are God's child. God has plans of good and not evil for his children (Jeremiah 29:11).



It took the wise owl in the story to point out to Chicken Little that it was only an apple - not the sky - that had fallen; and then suggested that Chicken Little eat the apple. The very thing that he thought was part of destruction instead ended up providing sustenance for him. How like God to provide "food" - strength for our souls - through the various trials that we find ourselves, if we will but be wise and listen to the truth - not the distractions.



Also note that Chicken Little believed "the sky is falling" and proceeded to tell numerous others. We must caution ourselves on how and what we proclaim to others for it seems to me that it multiplies, though it did eventually take Chicken Little to the owl who was able to reveal the truth. Not sure exactly how to balance this except to say we should seek wisdom first and not upset others along the way unnecessarily.



Have i made any sense here? it seemed so clear to me :-)



BTW - i bought the book - it was only 85cents!

the pursuit of excellence

ok, it's been quite a while since blogging. i want to "vent" today about how there seems to be a lack of excellence in society. whether it's a restaurant, a store, or people in general - it seems difficult to find a place that people really care about what they offer in the way of goods or services. quality is lacking in many places and at many times.





restaurants that offer low standards of service; either they don't get the order right, are very slow to fill the order, ring it up wrong, or are just plain rude or snobbish and then offer nothing more than "sorry" with nothing to compensate for your time, gas, inconvenience etc.





now i'm not of the mind that the customer is always right, because we aren't. however, when you order food and it's on the receipt with "no onion" or whatever your particular choice is, and you drive for miles to bring it home and it's still wrong - and so you go without eating it - you return it and all they offer is your money back and/or another sandwich, i have to ask "why would i choose to do business with them again?" what have they done to encourage me that customer satisfaction is their goal and that they would like to keep me as a customer? perhaps...they really don't care if i'm a customer...perhaps it doesn't matter if they lose my particular business. however, they should know that i will most likely let others know and word of mouth will usually spread.





or how about if you're neglected while waiting for your food at a sit down restaurant? it takes literally an hour, even though you requested assistance from a manager(?) who takes nothing off the bill, and just offers excuses with no real reasoning? and then, you take it to the next level (or so you think) and they offer NOTHING to say "i'm sorry, we'd really like you to give us another try, enjoy....on us". or, when you order a steak and it takes 3 times to get it cooked correctly and then nothing is taken off the bill and by then everyone else in your group has finished and you get to take the steak "home" and maybe eat it later. and then there's getting bleach water in you water glass as a beverage, actually taking a drink and swallowing before you realize it, because someone used the wrong pitcher (yes this happened and pretty much all they did was say i'm sorry!! - guess maybe we could have sued, but...)





then there are stores who don't credit your account (charge accts) when you've made a payment and you have to spend 30 plus minutes with numerous people on phone calls to be asked to wait 10 days for it to get cleared up and over 30 days later it still isn't cleared up! and of course there was the whole employee at the store spending 30 minutes talking to some other employee when there were six or seven people in line waiting to check out and then used (allegedly) the wrong register to ring in your payment. Come on...





is it really that parents/teachers/society as a whole have taught no "pursuit of excellence"? or is it that most people know, but really just don't care?





once again, i am not offering a paid endorsement, however, i find that Chick-fil-A generally goes over the top in trying for customer satisfaction. perhaps that's because employees are taught to take to heart that they're there to serve. ("How may I serve you?" "My pleasure.")





Jesus himself, came to serve, and we are to be examples. I know i lose my temper at times (my husband has to pray for me when i get on the phone with these types of situations), but really, it's all too common. less than exemplary has become the standard. whether it's doctor's appts., stores, restaurants, traffic, and so on...excellence or caring about the other person and going the extra mile has become almost non-existent. i really don't like that it is this way. am i alone here or have you noticed it too?

"Its tough being a woman"

well it's been a long time since "blogging". i've actually considered discontinuing it, but here i am wondering what would God have me say?

i'm in a Bible study by beth moore on Esther. it is great!! i recommend it to women and young ladies to study if they have opportunity to do so, though i don't think i want to recommend it for mixed groups of men and women. in four weeks we've learned and touched on so many diffferent things; why do we get angry, or mean (yes, us). why is it so tough being a woman? when are we vulnerable? do we realize that being disobedient will bring results that can last for many many years and affect many many people? why do other women dress provocatively and flaunt their bodies and body parts at our men? (us wanting to shout "please keep your breasts to yourselves"!)...and here i thought it was about the jews being saved -- and it is, but so much more. please ladies...check it out if you have opportunity to do so...it's rich with spiritual truths that prove beneficial for our lives and for these difficult days...

by the way, this is not a paid endorsement :-)

have a great day and hope to be able to be back on the writing path more regularly soon.

"writer's block"

for any and all who read this (i believe there are few, but am glad for all) i seem to be experiencing "writer's block" or lack of inspiration or something. who knows....whether it's the stress of family issues, medical challenges, spiritual deprivation (can't seem to find a fellowship we fit in with) or just laziness (but i don't think that's it) i can't seem to come up with much to write about. i'm still following some blogs but can't seem to find words for comments most of the time - so i'm sorry if you're not hearing from me and thinking i'm not reading. it's frustrating and depressing because i've written thoughts, etc. for so many years...i have journals of pages and writings from about 15 years or so and wrote a lot until the last year or so. weird...as i've enjoyed writing since early childhood days. what do you do with "writer's block"? or, sad to think, is my time of authorship gone? i pray not, i've enjoyed it...getting into my emotions, saying with written words what my heart is feeling...but i can't make it happen. i can only write as inspired...perhaps that's the problem--

"let your conversation be..."

why is it that so often we let out the worst of ourselves and cause pain to others? why can we not just control ourselves better, be nicer, kinder, considerate and think beyond our own self-centered desires?

i hurt my husband today, with words - again - and, actions. seems i do that a lot. at least to me it does. i've done it to many i love and at the time i guess i'm just thinking "if....you'd done that, or said this, or just thought, ...then....." when in reality i'm the one who should not have... "done that or said this or just thought" and then put voice and action to my thoughts.

once words are out they cannot be taken back, regardless of the apologies or thoughtful, kind, loving words after. the resulting emotion(s) are not easily discarded. they can hurt for moments, hours, days, and sometimes years. i've known this from first hand experience; both from being on the speaking and hearing side of conversations and in the doing and seeing of various behavior.

i know God has addressed this problem - more than once - through His word. we are to exhort, encourage, edify, lift up, bless, and other various profitable communicative ways - yet we so often do the opposite. I know he addresses this as well - that evil is there to do that which i do not want to do - and i'm sorry for the many times i've failed and allowed that evil to flow from either my words, actions, inaction, or however else i may have succombed.

for those i've hurt, i'm sorry. God, my husband, my children, my extended family, friends, acquaintances, and those i may have just been rude to who i've come across; forgive me - and pray that i'll do better, that i will choose God's Spirit over the desires of the flesh.

pit stops

i don't know much about racing, but remember when i was young watching movies or something and the pit crew would hold up signs for the drivers racing around to come in to the pit.

guess that's where i am

for whatever reason i'm in a pit stop

i guess they'd change tires, lube, whatever was necessary to keep the car in order so that it could continue the race

perhaps that's what God is doing for me

personally i'm tired of pit stops, especially when they take a while and take me back to the pit of despair and bring with it feelings of despair and wanting to escape

wonder how the driver felt being out of the race - knowing, probably that it was needed, but possibly feeling "what a nuisance"

although, in truth, a nuisance it's not - at least not for a car race

maintenance is necessary to keep it going

what maintenance or preventive care am i needing?